wow-the last couple of days have been SOOOO hard for me. I went off plan on Sunday (which was pre-planned) since I had a church luncheon and then my mom and sister and I went to Bonanza for supper, so i figured I would bounce back that day and get back in the grove-right? WRONG!! ugh it took me until Wednesday (three days later mind you) to get back on track. I think I need to stop having so many cheat days. they just make me realize how addicted to food I still am and probably will always be. and it also doesn't help that at work we know have pharmacy reps catering lunches every day, its just so frustrating to me how I have to be so meticulous about planning my meals or I just go right off the edge of the cliff. UGH! i am so annoyed. so usually i get home from my cheat day and work out, while I never felt completely full at Bonanaza, so that i think was the problem. so then im at home and all of the sudden i have a craving for Dairy Queen- and I haven't had DQ in FOREVER, so i take off for DQ which mind you is right across from Bonanza and I get a chocolate malt. SO YUMMY! then of course im still hungry and so i eat a bunch of cookies and finally get full.
so then yesterday i stayed on track with my lunch- I love when the reps bring food I don't like. I kept praying that it would be something I would like so I could have one more cheat day, but I really think this was God telling me that I needed to get back on track and did I listen "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"
so after work I eat all my pre planned meals and I am STARVING after that and I all of the sudden get a craving for PB M&M's and so I went to a store and got a big bag of them and a small bag of doritos- I guess to make myself feel better?!?!? and then i proceeded to eat both and felt so sick afterward, so now I'm thinking I'm going to give myself one more day, since its been so bad all day anyway, so I eat more odds and ends around my kitchen and it just felt so freeing.
and of course anytime I give myself a cheat day I feel as though I ignore God because I am so consumed with just eating that nothing else matters. It was like I was the tazmanian devil and everything in my pathway that was junk food was destroyed by me. I just need to remember how sick I felt after eating all that junk.
But wait, there's more!!!! so Tuesday i eat my normal salad at work and not the pizza that smelled UBER amazing that the reps bring, but I do sneak some doritos-ugh. so then right away I'm thinking "i'm cheating on day 3." so then after work i needed to go grocery shopping and so I bought a bag of sour cream and onion chips and then on the way home all I can think about is that darn bag of chips and so I get home and just tear open the bag and dive in-UGH!!! i cannot believe that I am doing this again. Then of course I get a craving for those frosted animal cracker cookies, so I decided that i might as well keep cheating and mind you my weekly weigh in is the next day. NOT GOOD.
so i went and got those cookies and practically killed the bag and got sick yet again. and of course I ignored God again because I was so consumed with getting my time with my junk food freedom to myself and not waste it on him-that makes me sick too.
so then this morning i woke up early and still felt sick from all of my overindulgence's from the past couple of days and not wanting to face the scale. I decided to weigh myself at home instead of at the store, because i am so embarrassed by how off the rails I got and i gained 5 pounds in three days. 5 POUNDS!!!! are you serious??? it took me so long to take this weight off, so then i get so annoyed at myself, but this time i am back to getting on track. I tracked all day today. HOORAY! and i even went to the meeting at the store this morning- i knew i needed too. but man does this going off the rails just drain me. I cannot believe that one of my nightmares came true and that i just went hog wild for three days, this is so unlike me, and makes me sick. I could definetly use some prayers, but so glad I got a major work out in today and am back on track.
losing weight and maintaining it is not easy at all. if it were easy everyone would be skinny. I hope this helps you know that you are not the only one who has weight loss problems, its everyone. Stay on plan though!!!!! and please pray for me. Thanks!
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